


Lost and Found(?)

by Samnyeong



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, OT13 - Freeform, amnesia!jun, angsttttttt, bromance!junxeveryone, happy official ending, idk why i wrote this, internal trauma, tragic alternative ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samnyeong/pseuds/Samnyeong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seungcheol finds Junhui sleeping in the practice room, again. But when he woke him up... the latter just stared at him blankly and didn't react no matter what Seungcheol said.</p><p>In short, Junhui gets amnesia, the others are left to cope. Especially Jihoon.</p><p>Note: This work is technically complete, the second chapter is just the "tragic alternative ending".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

As soon as Jihoon cleared his breakfast tray, he dumped it into the the sink. Mingyu would take care of the rest, he had more important things to do than rubbing off grime after himself. Before he could rush out of the door, however, he was stopped by Seungcheol.

"Going somewhere?" Seungcheol asked, even though the answer was obvious, unless Jihoon thought practicing his sprint inside the dorms was a good idea (which was proven by Seungkwan and Hansol to be... obviously not a good idea).

"Yeah." Jihoon replied dryly, trying to force himself around Seungcheol, which he didn't really have to since Seungcheol's grip on his shoulder was loose. In fact, it wasn't even a grip, he was simply resting his hand on Jihoon's shoulder.

"Jun?" Seungcheol called after Jihoon before the latter could exit the door.

Jihoon's hand was already on the doorknob with just a slit open, he paused slightly. It's been a while since he heard that name, mostly because the others have been avoiding mentioning it during working hours, which was no surprise.

"He's not here anymore."

"Jihoon-"

_Slam._

It's not that Jihoon's lost hope already, but it didn't feel right to call that _shell_ of a man they used to know as "Wen Junhui" by that nickname. The man he knew as Jun was a bright and carefree figure, not some quiet half-corpse who does nothing but stare off into the distance. The man he knew as Jun constantly needed to move, not like that bedridden sickly ghost. The man he knew as Jun was warm and kind, not cold and completely ignorant to everything around him. The man he knew as Jun always looked at the positive side of things, and he never failed to greet everyone with a smile. The man he knew as Jun had beautiful tanned skin, and he was proud of it.

And yet, _this_ was also Jun. Cold, expressionless, awkwardly distant, and overly polite.

"Hey, I brought you plums." Jihoon called as he entered the hospital chamber. The walls were white, and so were the sheets, only the curtains had a different slightly more vibrant color, blue. And even those were almost faded. Overall, the room just gave Jihoon a cold feeling, and Junhui's unresponsive state didn't help much.

It didn't matter though, Jihoon was practically used to it already. That was a lie, he would never get over how SEVENTEEN's Jun could become, well, this. Whoever this was.

Nonetheless, Jihoon washed the plums and placed them on the small table next to Junhui, the latter hadn't turned even once to look at him since he came in. No, ever since the first day when they visited him as a group, he hadn't turned to look at even one of them in the eyes. When he did look at them, his gaze was blank, as though he were looking at something far, far past them.

_"Knock it off already!" Jihoon had shouted, "What do you mean he has amnesia?! He's just faking it! Either that, or you're lying!"_

_"Jihoon!" Seungcheol and Soonyoung had tried to hold him back when the manager announced the news to the three leaders._

When he saw Junhui himself, there was no denying it. He had become a complete stranger disguised in their once beloved member's appearance. No, that's not right, he was _still_ a beloved member. The doctor had insisted that his condition was getting better, but Jihoon just couldn't help being impatient. He hadn't heard Junhui's voice for so long that he was scared he'd forget.

_"Jihoon, what are you doing?" Soonyoung had asked when he found Jihoon with his eyes closed on his chair in the studio with the headphones still on._

_"All of Jun's lines put together is roughly 4 minutes long. I put them on loop."_

Jihoon proceeded to sit down next to Junhui's bed, not caring that the latter probably wasn't even listening, he gave Junhui an update on what the group's been doing, assuring him that the fans were all being kind and patient with them, everyone was waiting for Junhui to return so they could perform as thirteen members again.

_"But what if he never returns to normal?" Chan had wailed after leaving the hospital. They were undoubtedly all shook by Jun's sudden change, but the others had managed to keep that horrendous thought to themselves._

_"He will." Seungcheol had stated firmly, "He's Wen Junhui."_

_"I just wish there was something we could do for him..."_

_"I heard certain objects can trigger memories, we should try that!" Seungkwan suggested._

So over the past month, members had been paying visits to Junhui with various items, telling him past stories regarding them- a light stick from their first concert, the cover of their first album, boxes of fan letters for Junhui when Carats heard about his condition.

Jihoon had made sure to come the most frequently, any chance he had, in fact.

"I know you probably don't understand what I'm saying, but..." Jihoon mumbled, staring at Junhui's rigid side profile, "I just want to know... Why? How did you become like this? Were you under that much pressure that your memories deleted themselves as a defense mechanism?" What he really wanted to know was... _How could you forget about_ me _?_

* * *

"JIHOON-HYUNG!"

Said boy immediately shot his head up, he had unknowingly fallen asleep right in his seat next to Junhui's bed. He immediately looked towards the clock, looks like he missed lunch.

"Jihoon-hyung!" The voice, Jihoon now recognized, belonged to Minghao, who was sitting on the other side of the bed, his hands gripping Junhui's and his eyes shining with happiness, "Junnie-hyung can talk!"

"What? ...What?! What did he say?!" Jihoon demanded, standing up and taking a couple of steps towards the bed. He looked down at the amnesia patient, who appeared to have a small grin on his face upon seeing how happy and excited the two were.

"He told me to be quiet because you were sleeping." Minghao replied, sitting in his chair in relief, "This is great! At least we can communicate with him now!"

Jihoon looked at Junhui, "Yeah... It's great..."

"There's just one tiny problem." Minghao said, smiling awkwardly at Jihoon, "He doesn't seem to understand Korean."

"Huh?"

"I tried talking to him in Mandarin earlier, I guess that's why he responded." Minghao shrugged, "I asked him some stuff after getting over the initial shock of him actually talking, and it appears that he doesn't remember much about his time in Korea. He remembers his family, and vaguely remembers names of some of the members, but that's all."

Jihoon sat back down into his chair, sighing, "Well... at least there's improvement. It's not completely hopeless then. We just need you to be our translator for a while. I'll text Seungcheol."

"S.Coups..." Junhui murmured softly, his eyes looking thoughtful as though he was trying to remember something.

"Yes, S.Coups, that's Seungcheol-hyung's stage name!" Minghao exclaimed happily, then quickly restated his sentence in Mandarin.

"Okay, I really need to text him now." Jihoon said, his eyes wide from how fast Junhui's memories seemed to be regaining, which should be a good thing, but at the same time, Jihoon feels just a little worried... His memories must have shut themselves off for a reason, was it really wise to reopen them now?

* * *

Now that they knew what Junhui's "problem" was for now, things have been going relatively well, they seemed to be getting somewhere at last. Junhui was slowly gaining back his ability to speak Korean by receiving lessons, and possibly due to the little pieces of memories he was gaining back, again, at a slow but sure pace.

Most importantly, the former dancer appeared to be returning to his usual vibrant self; randomly bursting into laughter at his own jokes, and gleefully clinging to the members' arms when they come visit. In short, Jihoon felt relieved to see Junhui's smile again.

Unfortunately, his relief didn't last for long...

"I'm afraid we may have to remove Jun from the group."

Jihoon stared at his manager along with the rest of SEVENTEEN. This was a joke, right? Maybe Junhui was actually coming back today and the staff were trying to prank them. This was way too harmful of a prank though...

"But... why? He's obviously getting better, and... he's so close to returning!" Soonyoung protested, "We just need more time...!"

"A mental condition is not as simple as you think it is, his psychologist thinks that it may be dangerous for those memories to return if he had in fact, shut them down in the first place."

"So you're saying that Jun _wanted_ to forget about us?" Jeonghan mused, pressing his lips into a hard line, his usual carefree aura completely erased.

"Will you rethink about this if he tells you himself that he doesn't want to leave?" Jihoon asked, not even caring how desperate his tone sounded. A Jun-less SEVENTEEN... he didn't even want to imagine it.

The manager looked at each of the twelve members in turn, a completely serious look on his face, "If Junhui tells me himself that he'd like to stay, I will ask the higher-ups to rethink their decision... but _only_ if he says it on his own accord."

* * *

"Hello, Jun." Seungcheol smiled, sitting down next to the bed, "The boys must have been giving you a hard time with all their visits, how are you feeling? Did you get enough sleep?"

Junhui returned Seungcheol's smile, "I'm feeling fine, thank you." His speech structure was still a little rigid and overly polite, but at least it's gotten to the point where he could form conversations with the members without having Minghao translate. It felt just a little ironic, since Minghao was the one who needed Junhui's help with translating when they were younger.

"That's good... hey, I brought this over, thought I'd... talk to you about it." Seungcheol shrugged, pulling out a baseball cap, "I used to wear this a lot during my predebut years, I guess I thought it made me look... hip."

Junhui laughed, accepting the baseball cap with his hands as Seungcheol passed it to him, "Whenever the others bring me something, they always tell me a story about it. Is this another one of those?" He asked, not at all annoyed, but rather seemingly excited to hear whatever Seungcheol had in store for him.

Seungcheol chuckled, shifting slightly in his seat as he looked at the old and fairly tattered cap, "When we were still trainees, we would sometimes sneak out to play baseball."

"Was I good?"

"No, you were terrible." Seungcheol laughed at Junhui's pout, nudging him gently in the shoulders, "But you tried damn hard though, even if you slipped and fell over nothing, you'd still get up and try to get that base." He stared down at the cap thoughtfully, "You were never much of an athlete, but you still had fun, and seeing you have fun just made everyone else laugh along."

"I see, I guess I was pretty amazing." Junhui joked, turning the cap over between his fingers.

"You were, and still are." Seungcheol assured, patting the younger male on the shoulder, "Anyway, one day the wind blew my cap away, it landed in a river and floated downstream. We all chased after it, but it seemed hopeless, and one by one, we gave up. Except for you, you just kept at it, you even dived down at one point, almost drowned yourself, and when we finally got you out, you were still clinging to the cap." Seungcheol paused for a second, closing his eyes as though he could see the scene replaying in front of him, "I thought it was incredibly stupid of you to risk your life for something like that, but you insisted that since it's something important to me, you had to get it back. It was the only logical thing to do."

Junhui nodded slowly, looking at Seungcheol tentatively with wide eyes.

"So... I want you to have this." Seungcheol said, placing the cap in a box next to Junhui's bed, "To remind you that... even if the situation seems hopeless, you could always find a way out of it."

"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind." Junhui smiled, briefly nodding to Seungcheol as he excused himself from the room.

_And that's why we won't give up on you either._

Following Seungcheol, Jeonghan came in next, placing what appears to be a fake angel halo in the box. He explained that it was a prop for their filming of their first Part Switch video, which was obviously of their first title song, Adore U.

"You've always been the tentative type, when I wore that, you would always adjust it for me and made sure that it's not slipping or tangled in my hair." Jeonghan said, looking at the halo thoughtfully, "During lives, you were the one who'd walk around the stage, adjusting everyone's mic or earpieces for them, brushing off confetti and such... You were an especially caring person. That's what you should remember when you look at that halo."

Next was Jisoo, he came in with what appears to be a toy guitar for kids.

"We used to sing together during our predebut years, we were on the same team at one point." Jisoo said, smiling at Junhui fondly with his cat-eyes, "We used to teach each other our native languages and had Korean lessons together. You were kind of the quiet joker back then, pretending to be innocent on the outside but was actually off doing some sort of mischief in the back."

The older boy gently pulled Junhui's head into his chest, an extremely delicate and gentle, but at the same time, warm embrace. Junhui knew the feeling very well, and he had a vague remembrance of being thrown into a room with two new trainees and being told that they were their "new friends", make sure to get along with them. Junhui remembered not being able to communicate well with his words at the time, so instead of greeting him normally like most people, he hugged them instead. While the two seemed spooked at first, they eventually returned Junhui's hug in a more delicate manner.

And now Junhui remembered that one of them was in fact, Jisoo.

The next one to enter the room was Soonyoung, he placed a red leather jacket in the box, "This was from our first solo concert. You got it for our unit stage." The Performance Unit leader explained.

"The company was on budget at the time- well, they still are, but it was worst back then... So we had to go shopping for these. The four of us went together, and we settled for the leather jacket look." He sat down on the edge of Junhui's bed, "...I love working with the Performance Unit, we're like a family. Well, the whole group is one giant family, but we're like... brothers, you know? The others are the weird cousins."

Junhui smiled with amusement at this, patting Soonyoung's hand gently, "I get what you mean."

"You do?! So you remember-"

"I remember being roommates with you, but that's as far as it goes. I do remember being close like brothers though." Junhui said, screwing his eyes shut to search his memories, "And then... we kind of drifted apart... you never stopped looking out for me, but we each had our own roles in the group, and-"

"Jun." Soonyoung squeezed Junhui's hand lightly, "There's a reason why I compare you to being like a brother rather than a friend. The bond between friends is delicate, no matter how people try to sugarcoat it. But a brother's bond... that's unshakable, you can't un-be someone's brother. That's how I feel about you."

Junhui smiled, even though he just got pieces of his memories back, he could tell that it was rare for Soonyoung to be so serious. "I got you, bro."

"Bro~" Soonyoung cooed, tackling Junhui playfully while the latter laughed

The two were eventually pulled apart by Wonwoo, who put a clear glass jar inside the box, "It used to have spicy bamboo shoots."

"Spicy~" Junhui cheered, earning a small smile from Wonwoo.

"We used to share spicy stuff all the time since the other members couldn't handle it... I think you know where I'm going with this so I won't say anymore." Wonwoo said curtly, turning around to leave the room.

Junhui quickly shot out a hand to grab Wonwoo's wrist, stopping the latter briefly, "Wonwoo, I'm going to return all those bites you gave me from before once they let me out of this place, so you better be prepared." He flashed a cheeky smile as the latter hurriedly left the room, but a grin was still visible on his face.

Minghao came in with what appears to be a Korean-Chinese dictionary, "This was the present you gave me on my first birthday in Korea. I don't need it anymore, so I'm giving it to you."

"I'm just your trashcan?!" Junhui gasped, feigning hurt.

Minghao rolled his eyes but was secretly glad that Junhui was being as dramatic as he used to be, "More like, I never needed it in the first place. You took such great care of me that I never found myself too lost in conversation, and I knew I could always count on you to be supportive by my side." Before excusing himself, Minghao looked back at Junhui briefly, "I was really happy that I got to do the same for you this time."

Junhui smiled back as Minghao exited the door, "I'm glad you were the first person I could talk to."

Seokmin gave Junhui what appears to be a very worn-out pigeon plushie, "You gave it to me as a birthday present, I thought you got it as a joke because of my pigeon impression." He explained, his signature eye-smile never seemed as prominent as now, "Later Soonyoung-hyung explained to me that you got it because pigeons are thought to bring peace and love, and you originally wanted to get an actual pigeon for me. Seemed like a typical Jun-hyung thing to do." He continued, "Pigeons are also thought to bring mental and emotional healing, which I'm sure would be very helpful to you now."

"Thank you, Seokmin. You've always been the sweetest." Junhui grinned, petting the plush pigeon gently.

Mingyu brought Junhui a cookbook, stating that Junhui once got it for him, asking if he could make Chinese food for him, only to realize that he read the title wrong, and the book didn't contain Chinese recipes after all. "At that moment, I thought... wow, my hyung is cute." Mingyu laughed teasingly as Junhui punched him lightly in the arm.

"The dongsaengs in our group are cute..." Junhui murmured quietly to himself after Mingyu left, seemingly remembering something from an interview.

Seungkwan brought in a bouquet of fake flowers along with an MC notebook, "We were co-hosts at some point, do you remember that? I learned a lot of Mandarin from you."

Junhui smiled, "I'm glad to know... I'm sure I learned plenty of Korean from you as well." He eyed the large bouquet cautiously, "And what are those for?"

"Oh, I wanted to get actual flowers to cheer you up, but you know, they die, and that's just morbid, so... tadah, fake ones!"

"Oh geez..." Junhui shook his head, eyes filled with amusement, "You never fail to be extra, huh?"

Hansol came in shortly after Seungkwan, handing Junhui what appears to be a DVD of the movie, _Titanic_. "The first time we met, you said I resembled someone. We went to rent a movie together, and you kept pointing to this, but I couldn't really understand what you were saying so I thought you wanted to watch it... turns out you were just trying to point out how much I resembled the actor." The corners of Hansol's lips lifted themselves up into a lopsided smile, "You were goofy like that. I'm glad to have a dorky companion to goof around with in the group."

"Same here, it's good to know another person with some acting experience." Junhui returned the smile, shaking Hansol's hand in mock-formality while the latter played along.

Chan handed Junhui a limited edition Michael Jackson album, the latter thought he was crazy, "Not really, since you got it for me in the first place.. that time when we first visited America together. You dragged me to every CD shop just to get this, even though neither of us spoke English."

"In hindsight, it might have been better to had brought Hansol or Jisoo-hyung along, huh?" Junhui chuckled, seemingly remembering the event.

"...Hyung, you'll be fine, right?" Chan suddenly asked, his body halfway turned towards the door, halfway turned back towards Junhui.

"I'm always fine." Junhui replied confidently.

Last but not least, Jihoon.

The shorter boy had brought over a copy of their first concert DVD, loading it onto his laptop so that they could watch it on Junhui's bed. It almost seemed all too natural to Junhui how comfortable Jihoon fitted under his arm, and how the boy didn't seem to complain about the action of cuddling despite the others warning him about his dislike towards skinship.

"Wow, I look good." Junhui had commented whenever a closeup of him came up.

"Yeah... that's actually a typical thing for you to say." Jihoon rolled his eyes, but didn't bother to deny the comment.

"You look cute." Junhui said, ignoring the annoyed snort that came from the boy next to him.

"I'm not."

"I meant your stage image, of course." Junhui laughed, pulling Jihoon closer, "I know you're actually manly and cool."

"Try saying that again without the sarcasm."

"I'm always genuine, Jihoonie~" Junhui whined. Jihoon flinched slightly at the nickname, and Junhui seemed to have noticed for the latter shifted away slightly, smiling awkwardly down at him as they tore their attention away from the screen for a while, "Too soon?"

"...No, I was just surprised because that was what you used to call me..." Jihoon explained, after calming himself down, "I thought you remembered something."

"Oh, I've remembered plenty of things! Just yesterday, Soonyoung, Minghao, and Chan taught me a couple of dance moves, and I'm proud to say that my body remembers most of it! Wow, we must have really worked ourselves to the bone though..."

"We did." Jihoon replied dryly.

"...Did I do something wrong?" Junhui asked, crouching down slightly so that their faces were leveled.

Jihoon tried to ignore the genuinely concerned look in the taller boy's eyes. Why did he always have to be like this? Wasting time on Jihoon by being too observant, too caring, too... kind. "It's not you, it's never you." Jihoon replied, his tone obviously softer than before. "It's always me."

* * *

 

It was the day the manager was going to pay Junhui a visit, if he didn't tell him face-to-face that he wanted to stay in the group, it was all over. With incredibly nervous hearts, the twelve boys walked down the hallway in two lines like usual, almost military-like, and watched as the manager opened the door to Junhui's room.

"Hello, Jun." The manager smiled warmly, walking over to the bed and sitting down, "How are you feeling?"

No reply came.

"Jun?" Seungcheol prompted, maybe Junhui was feeling confused by the sudden appearance of their manager, but his reply was far, far worst than any of them had imagined.

" _...Who are you?_ "

Jihoon felt his blood run cold. Junhui's face had gone back to being expressionless, his eyes blank and distant, his tone flat. It was nothing like the Junhui who seemed to getting so much better. This was the worst possible timing. He could feel the rest of the group stiffen up as well, but everyone seemed to be too shocked to react.

Finally, the manager turned to look at the group sadly, "I'm sorry, guys."

"A relapse?!" Jeonghan exclaimed to the doctor from outside in the hallway, "When did this happen?! Why weren't we notified?!"

"It happened very recently, shortly after your last visit." The doctor explained, trying to calm the alarmed boys down, the group was now streaming into the hallway waiting for a full explanation from the doctor as to how Junhui suddenly turned back to point 0. It was almost like his recovery process was just a joke.

Only Jihoon remained next to the bed, he reached forward to touch Junhui's now cold hands and cradled them slightly in his own, breathing gently onto them as though that would warm them up a little. 

"All I ever did was push you away... because I never thought I'd lose you." Jihoon's voice cracked, but he didn't care as he pushed on, "But it's too late now."

Junhui turned to look at him, a blank look on his face, and Jihoon could feel his heart shattering as though an iced claw had gripped onto it, and had finally decided to squeeze down.

"You don't understand. It's too late for everything." Jihoon sighed, lowering his head down, "You're going to be removed from the group," he gripped his hands around Junhui's tighter, "I know it probably means nothing to you in this state, but-" He stopped. There was something warm running down the back of his hand, and he looked up to see tears falling down Junhui's face.

The latter's expression still appeared neutral, but those tears were definitely running.

Slowly, Junhui turned rigidly towards the side, removing one of his hands from Jihoon's grip to reach for the box on his bedside. He placed the box down on his lap and started pulling out each object in it almost entirely robotically, but the action overflowed Jihoon with a sense of relief as incredibly familiar words began to fall from Junhui's mouth.

" _Why am I so desperate?_ " Seungcheol's cap.

" _Don't think about anything._ " Jeonghan's halo.

" _What is this sensation, what do I do?_ " Joshua's guitar.

" _Pop song._ " Soonyoung's leather jacket.

" _But I can't deliver my feelings._ " Wonwoo's glass jar.

" _Washed away, washed away._ " Minghao's dictionary.

" _But only your forgotten voice comes back._ " Seokmin's pigeon plushie.

" _I'm running to you now._ " Mingyu's cookbook.

" _All of my friends are worried about me._ " Seungkwan's notebook.

" _But my heart is about to wither._ " Hansol's DVD.

" _I know what you're thinking, and we killed._ " Chan's album.

He then slowly turned to Jihoon, his hand squeezed the latter's gently, " _I want it simple._ "

"You... remember?" Jihoon asked slowly, feeling his own tears coming as he watched what appears to be an endless stream run down Junhui's cheeks.

Junhui shook his head gently, "I don't know, I'm not sure why, but I..." he took a deep breath, and whispered, "I want to stay with you guys."

Seungcheol immediately looked to the manager, who seemed satisfied with this and walked out to make his phone call, giving the rest of the group time to "reunite" with their previously "lost" member.

* * *

In hindsight, it all seemed pretty anti-climatic, but after that little incident, Junhui continued to recover at a steady pace, and eventually he was back to his normal self. Of course, he still seemed to be missing pieces of information from time-to-time or appeared somewhat more forgetful than usual, but other than that, his mental state had become much more stable.

"So... now that you have your memories back... can you tell me what happened the day you suddenly fell unconscious in the practice room?" Jihoon asked, carefully not to say anything too triggering as Junhui may still be prone to relapse, or so the doctor had advised.

Junhui tilted his head to the side, "Maybe from fatigue?"

"You were overworking yourself again!" Jihoon exclaimed, rearing up on his knees so he could punch Junhui in the shoulder repeatedly as the latter laughed from his spot on the floor.

"I don't want to hear that from a workaholic like you."

"Well, I don't have amnesia."

"Yet. And let me tell you, it's not fun." Junhui stated in a mock-solemn manner.

Jihoon glared at him, "No shit. It's not fun for the people around you either."

"...I'm sorry." Junhui sighed noticing Jihoon's visibly sullen face, he then scooted over to wrap an arm around the smaller boy's shoulders, "It won't happen again. I promise."

"You don't know that." Jihoon grumbled, but nuzzled into the crook of Junhui's neck gently.

"Oh, but I do." Junhui smiled mysteriously, pulling Jihoon closer into his chest and resting his chin on the latter's head. "Just like I know how much you actually love me~"

"Then you don't know anything."

"You're so cold!"

"That's perfectly fine." Junhui pretended to pout as Jihoon untwisted himself from the taller boy's hold, standing up on his knees again to cup Junhui's face in his hands. Gently and ever so softly, he pressed their lips together, but only for a brief moment, "Since you're warm enough for both of us."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some foggy things that will be cleared up in the alternative ending because it dives more into Junhui's side of the story, including what happened before they found him unconscious and such.


	2. Found

"Hello, I'm SEVENTEEN's Jun!"

"Hello, I'm SEVENTEEN's Jun!"

"Hello, I'm SEVENTEEN's Jun!"

"Hello, I'm-"

_Who am I?_

_I am ~~Wen Junhui~~ SEVENTEEN's Jun._

Junhui didn't know when it started, neither did he want to know. As a professional actor, he was supposed to be good at this, at making sure he doesn't lose himself in his character. Then again, this was... different.

He hadn't thought this through. He didn't know that becoming an idol would mean becoming someone untrue to his real self. He didn't know that he'd be stuck with this character forever. Even as an actor, he never expected himself to be potentially stuck in a lifetime role. It wasn't just the fans he was lying to, it was also the members, he could never relax. One wrong move, and people will start doubting his character.

_"Don't you think Jun looks less cheerful these days...?"_

_"I hope something didn't happen..."_

_"He stopped hanging around The8! They must have gotten into a fight!"_

Junhui let out a quiet groan at the social media comments. This was what he was afraid of... everyone was just too observant. He didn't want to make them worry, but couldn't he have even one moment of rest from that "bright and cheerful" image they have of him? He wondered how people like Seokmin and Soonyoung could handle these things... then again, everyone has their own thing.

And what is up with their obsession with him and Minghao? There are eleven other guys, of course they weren't going to cling to each other forever, but that doesn't mean they're not good friends.

Junhui took a mental note to himself to fawn over Minghao a lot more next time during interviews.

"Jun?" Jihoon called from outside his door, "There's still some leftovers from dinner... do you want some?"

"No thanks, I'm good!" Junhui called back. He heard restless shuffling coming from the doorway, and watched as the shadow streaming through the crack on the bottom of his door shifted side-to-side uneasily, as though pondering on whether to move away or not.

"Well, if you say so-"

"On second thought, I guess I'll have some more." Junhui said, opening the door to a slightly surprised Jihoon, "Soonyoung's been warning us about some bonebreaking practice he's going to make us do later."

Jihoon's eyes shined brightly, even though his face remained stoic as a whole. He nodded curtly and walked away. Typical Jihoon. He wasn't all that hard to read if you knew where to look, and thankfully Junhui knew. _Jun_ knew.

Junhui suddenly felt a sharp pain in the back of his head but paid no heed to it. It was probably just him imagining things.

* * *

Practice had already ended hours ago, but Junhui decided to linger behind. Sweat poured down the back of his neck, his shirt was practically completely soaked through on the back by now. He glanced up to see his own reflection in the mirror. Flawless form, flawless figure, that's right, Junhui's visuals were on point as usual. _You mean_ SEVENTEEN's Jun's _visuals?_

He grabbed his neck, suddenly finding it hard to breath. Even the makeup they put on him, the hairdo they styled for him, it wasn't him, was it? Did he ever had a say in this image? _And was he happy with it?_ He's already forgotten.

_Forgotten..._

If only he could just forget everything that easily... He wanted to forget Jun. In order to find his real self again, he had to deny his "present" self, the fake, manmade facade of "SEVENTEEN's Jun".

He looked up once more at his reflection and leaned in closer towards it. That fierce glare in the mirror, did it really belong to him?

_Was it real?_

"Stop!"

Junhui slammed his fist against the reflective surface, panting slightly. He watched a small area of the mirror fog up, distorting his reflection. That's right, there can only be one of him, he needed to get rid of the other one... somehow... somehow... _somehow..._

"Jun? Are you sleeping in here again? ...Jun? Hey, Jun! Get a hold of yourself!"

_And then everything will be fixed._

* * *

Waking up to an unfamiliar location, an unfamiliar smell, unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar voices, _unfamiliar people._

As hard as Junhui tried to concentrate, he couldn't make out what they were saying at all. Sometimes he would pick up what seemed like oddly familiar sounding words, but he couldn't figure out what they meant at all.

So he could only stare, almost helplessly.

Well, at least _he_ was supposed to be the helpless one here... so why were _they_ the ones looking sad?

* * *

That little guy came again. He always brought food with him, which Junhui appreciated, but he didn't know how to convey it. Whenever the little guy visited, he found himself somehow fairly flustered, unsure of how to act, should he try smiling? No, he'll probably think he's creep or something.

Most importantly, why was he visiting so often? He doesn't seem to be the least fazed by Junhui's intentionally cold reactions, and just carried on what he was doing and talked to himself. Who exactly was he to Junhui?

_Nobody. You don't know him._

And yet, he couldn't stop himself from caring.

"Shh, he's sleeping." Junhui couldn't help saying to the cheerful boy who had come in shortly after the little one nodded off. He didn't know how or why he said it, but the moment he heard the familiar language, something... opened. Seeing the relieved look on the two boys' faces somehow made him feel relaxed as well, and he finally smiled back.

The two boys communicated in a foreign language before a familiar name sounded, "Seungcheol".

Almost by complete reflex, Junhui murmured, "S.Coups..."

The taller boy let out a delighted yelp while the shorter boy widened his eyes, reaching for his mobile device and muttering something in a foreign language.

Junhui let out a soft chuckle. He wondered why seeing these two strangers so happy made him feel lighter as well...?

* * *

Over the past few weeks, the group of boys had continued to come in, bringing with them certain objects and stories, explaining to Junhui who they were with the help of the one boy who could speak Mandarin, Minghao, as Junhui had learned was his name.

Seeing them so energetic just to see Junhui responding to their words made Junhui happy as well, somehow. So he worked hard. He worked hard so that he could return to who they once knew him as.

They called him "SEVENTEEN's Jun".

_Wait... wasn't he forgetting something?_

* * *

Junhui awoke from a nightmare. Or maybe he was simply just waking up in another one.

He remembered.

Who was he?

Wen Junhui.

Who was he?

Wen Junhui.

Who _is_ he?

 ~~Wen Junhui~~ SEVENTEEN's Jun.

He clutched his head, muffling a scream into his blankets. He was back to point 0. But the boys were coming to visit again today, he needed to stay strong for them.

Why?

Why did he feel so responsible for _their_ happiness?

Wasn't this whole thing supposed to bring him _his_ happiness?

Nonetheless, he smiled.

And smiled.

And smiled.

* * *

He looked down at the box of gifts each member had given to him the last time they saw him. He held them with utmost care, and ran through each of them in turn to himself, placing them carefully back into the box every time he made his "rounds", whispering each of the members' names so that he wouldn't forget.

He didn't want to forget.

He didn't want to forget.

_He didn't want to forget._

* * *

"Who are you?"

Junhui whispered, allowing his face to remain blank, even though the despaired look on the members' faces caused his heart to twist painfully in his chest. He watched as the members screamed at his doctor, their eyes filled with grief as the manager sadly shook his head. It was a lost cause.

What almost got him to move, to change his mind, was how Jihoon clung to his arm at the end even though the others were urging him to leave. They had to literally rip him away from Junhui and carried him out of the room.

If only he had realized it sooner, if only he had admitted it, if only he wasn't so weak... he would have noticed that the care he felt for them was _true_ and _real_ , no matter who he was.

And maybe he could have told them then, "Thank you," and "I love you". Especially Jihoon.

* * *

He thought leaving the group would cure him. He thought that was the solution to his unhappiness, but he was wrong. Dead wrong.

Whenever he saw a poster of the group, heard them on the radio, spot them on the television, he couldn't help... smiling. He felt proud of them. Why? They had nothing to do with him anymore. At least they shouldn't...

 _I'm still stuck with my image of SEVENTEEN's Jun._ Was what he thought.

So, he invested in a therapist, tried various ways to get rid of this "second him" whom he thought wasn't his "true self", including hypnotism. He blocked out everything that would remind him SEVENTEEN, locked away the box of gifts he had received from them months ago, until months became years, and he _finally succeeded._

He was Wen Junhui.

Now, "Wen Junhui" was having a normal life in his home city, Shenzhen. He had a normal education, and was on his way to finding a normal job, and was surrounded by pretty normal friends. The kind of life he had always wished for.

Some people still recognize him as a child actor and inquires him about any future plans regarding his acting career, he would always decline. Right now, normal was best.

Some people would even claim that he looked like some k-pop star from a while ago who recently quit his group, Junhui would laugh and assure them that it was someone else for his family didn't want him to have anything to do with k-pop, and he himself had no intention on investing in it either.

SEVENTEEN's Jun has been long forgotten.

"You want to come watch this concert with me? I got extra tickets because my sister can't go." His friend said to him one day.

"What concert?"

"SEVENTEEN's. You don't know them?"

"My family doesn't listen to k-pop. Where is this anyway? Hong Kong?" Junhui arched an eyebrow, "I don't know..."

"Just say that it's a trip with your buddies! It technically is, right?" His friend laughed.

"I guess... I don't like lying though."

"Just this once~ They're really popular right now!"

"Well... if they're really that good... and if it means that much to you..." Junhui sighed, giving in as his friend cheered.

And that was how he ended up standing in an extremely crowded venue in Hong Kong with screaming girls waving their light sticks around madly as the twelve boys performed. Somehow, the scene felt awfully familiar to Junhui... and when the lights shined down to reveal the boys' faces, a flurry of screams came from the audience, and a tear rolled down Junhui's cheek.

He watched their performance intently, and he listened to their songs wholeheartedly. He didn't want it to end.

"That was great!" His friend had commented when they walked out, "They're really popular for a reason, huh?"

"Yeah, I didn't think I'd enjoy it that much. The lyrics were really well written as well..."

"You understood what they were singing? I thought-" His friend turned around to look at him before they entered the station, "Dude, why are you crying?"

"What?" Junhui stared blankly at his friend, touching his fingertips gently on the side of his face, "Oh wow, I didn't even notice. I think I just got moved... haha, I'm a very sentimental person, you know?"

His friend whacked him in the head playfully, "Come on, let's go get you some tissue paper. You can't go home with that face."

Junhui laughed, and allowed his friend to guide him to the washroom. SEVENTEEN, huh? They're not so bad.

Meanwhile, the members of SEVENTEEN were just exiting from the venue, filing into their vans. Seungkwan suddenly patted Seungcheol wildly on the shoulders, "Is that Jun?!" He screamed, pointing at a poster near the outside bulletin board.

Jihoon immediately whipped his head up along with the others, but their excited exclaims quickly turned into groans when Jeonghan pointed out it was Heechul on the poster, not Junhui.

"But speaking of Jun, I wonder how's he doing?" Jisoo murmured before settling into the van.

Jihoon nodded, a foot already on the side of the vehicle before getting distracted by two guys walking out of the crowd towards the station. It was quite easy to spot guys in a sea of fangirls, so that was probably what caught Jihoon's attention in the first place, but now he was convinced it may have been fate after all.

His eyes widened as he recognized the familiar jawline, the obvious curve of his neck, his deeply carved double eyelids... it was Junhui, without a doubt.

Jihoon was about to call out, but a lump caught in his throat when he saw the lighthearted laugh Junhui gave to his friend. It came as a relief to Jihoon, especially since his last memory of Junhui was pretty much of a pale and expressionless bedridden corpse.

So he turned away, smiling to himself.

" _He's free._ "

* * *

"I'm home!" Junhui called, returning to his family's apartment. He was greeted by the usual gentleness of his mother and the energetic response from his brother. He walked straight to his room after smiling to them both and using homework as an excuse to retire early.

Once he got to his room, however, he walked towards the closet, digging around until he found a now dust covered box. Carefully, he opened it, a wide smile spread across his face as the familiar objects came to view.

One by one, he took them out and lined them on the floor, murmuring quietly to himself.

"Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Jisoo, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Minghao, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungkwan, Hansol, Chan..." he scowled slightly as he looked at the eleven objects, perfectly lined up in front of him.

Something wasn't right.

Let's try that again, shall we?

"Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Jisoo, Soongyoung..."

...

Again.

He searched for _him_ , without really knowing who he was.

And for some reason, he felt like he'd be searching for him for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if anyone caught it, but now you know why the second time Junhui "lost his memories", he could still speak Korean and intentionally pretended to "forget things" in the official ending.
> 
> (personally I like this ending better in terms of the story, but that's because I like writing angst...)


End file.
